A Wedding Planning Poem (for the Brave and the Bewildered)

Some plan with lists and colour codes,
With fabric samples too;
While others simply “wing it”
And hope it all pulls through.
Some scribble notes in notebooks,
With pencils sharp and neat,
While others tap through planning apps
With tick-box-driven feet.

But when you send enquiries in,
Please tell us—pretty please—
Your drop-off and collection times,
So we can plan with ease.
For nothing sparks mild panic
(And a crew that’s feeling wilted)
Like arriving bright and early—
To find the marquee isn’t built yet.

If your venue’s down a maze of lanes
Where hedges squeeze us tight,
We’ll reach you—fear not, darling—
But a Luton’s more polite
Than bringing in a trailer
All coupled up behind –
One narrow little gateway
And the turn can be unkind.

And if you’ve booked our Oakley bar,
Remember—bless your hearts—
It doesn’t bend, it doesn’t flex,
It weighs a thousand parts.
Two flights of steps? Two hundred chairs?
Oh, spare our crew the ache—
Just tell us in advance, dear friends,
For everyone’s sweet sake!

If partying till dawn is planned,
Then book a later take—
So you can gather bottles
And cushions from the lake,
And track the lonely dining chair
That wandered off to hide
Somewhere near the conservatory
Feeling whimsical inside.

We love returning deposits—It fills our hearts with cheer—
But leaving furniture out in rain
Brings us close to tears.
For Sienna, Amalfi, Norton—
Even Elliana’s tough—
But moisture makes them grumpy,
And the damage? Oh, it’s rough.

So tuck them in before the clouds
Or when Night starts to call—
For happy crews, dry furniture,
And deposits back in full for all!